


In the service of doing better things

by natigail



Series: Phan Reality One Shots [11]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: DanAndPhilGAMES hiatus, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Flying, M/M, Phil is not on fire 10 (Phandom), Pinof ended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 09:58:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17242169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natigail/pseuds/natigail
Summary: They have just announced that Phil is not on fire has truly ended and on top of that the gaming channel will be on hiatus. Dan boards the small plane with Phil to visit Phil’s family for Christmas but Dan’s thoughts refuse to quiet down as he considers the consequences. It’s a good thing that he’s sitting next to his partner.





	In the service of doing better things

It’s on the plane ride to Isle of Man that Dan’s mind starts spiralling. He can hear the loud propeller outside of the window. He’s really not sure why they’re flying something that looks so old school or how he has managed to cram himself into a tiny seat with his long limbs or next to a man almost as tall as himself.

Phil is playing on his phone. He’s wearing glasses and when he concentrates he scrunches up his nose a little and it’s just enough to lift the glasses a tiny bit. It’s an endearing sight. Dan should not be staring at it so intently when they’re on a plane and out in public.

He doesn’t really care about it anymore though. It’s like with the gaming channel where the longing glances have been left in essentially all year. This year it was about giving the people what they wanted and their fan base definitely appreciated the prolonged eye contact. He’s sure the heart eyes howell tag on tumblr must have doubled just in this past year alone.

But it’s more comfortable for him too and it’s less about fan service, even if it’s easier to dress it up like that in his head at times. He knows what goes on in their fandom. He sees enough of the inside jokes to know the general vibe of the online community. Sometimes, he sees things he’d rather not but mostly people are good at keeping such stuff tagged in a way he won’t see it.

He appreciates that he knows what’s going on with the bunch of people that put him in the incredible position he somehow ended up in. He will always appreciate how they have helped him build not only a world and a business but also a life with Phil.

2018 have been a happier year for him, despite taking some time off from therapy because of the whole tour that ate up most of his year. He likes to stand on stage and perform for the people. His young theatre nerd that he promptly strangled to fit in with the cool kid would never have dreamed of performing in front of so many people. He also likes to meet a smaller group of the people beforehand and he’s really started to appreciate how diverse and frankly _old_ that their viewers have gotten. They’ve grown with them, some from the very beginning. It’s a little scary when you think about it. He had been told it many times over the years but it never gets old – their content has brought a smile to so many people’s lips, even when they were going through impossibly tough times.

He knows that those same people are now mourning hiatus on the gaming channel and the end of _Phil is not on fire_. He saw the onslaught after the last live show of the year where they told them their plans. A lot of people were sad and upset, even if most people tried to look at the positive prospects and praise them for taking time to look after themselves and work on new projects.

Dan doesn’t really feel sad about ending pinof and the plan for the gaming channel is an actual break to make sure they’re making content they’re proud of and happy with rather than just spitting out half-hearted videos. The gaming channel was always about fun and they need a break and a little tweaking to make sure that it stays like that.

He does feel nostalgic about _Phil is not on fire_ ending. In a lot of ways, it was the thing that started the world of Dan and Phil, which grew bigger than any of them could ever have imagined. Those silly cat whiskers were a tradition adored by a lot of people. Dan worried about it becoming too much of the same. It was tough making it feel fresh and replicate the same type of energy from the first one. He isn’t sure if they’ve ever managed to re-capture the magic and silliness but either way, they made some great videos.

Things have changed. They have changed. Pinof was a throwback in everything from the editing style to the silly behaviour. It was nice to reminisce and play around and have fun with the man who is his best friend but also so much more than that. But it has also been a set anchor to the past. Dan knew Phil felt scared of changing his filming setup because of the tradition of filming the iconic video on his bed.

They are only letting go of the past in service of doing even better things for their audience to enjoy in the future.

That, and Dan would never be okay with himself if _Phil is not on fire_ was beaten with a stick to be produced half-heartedly year after year. What makes the videos special aren’t the questions or the whiskers or the editing style. It’s the enthusiasm by the two of them. They’re having a genuine laugh and a fun time. If that were to be tainted, then it would not be a real _Phil is not on fire_ video, no matter what the title said. Phil also really liked the idea of ending it on such an even number.

The two of them have grown over this year and the tour has had a massive impact on how they viewed their audience. It’s the reason they both felt comfortable talking openly about doing a break on the gaming channel or why Dan didn’t feel the need to be secretive about how he was going to spend some days with Phil’s family just before Christmas.

They are always found out anyway but it wasn’t even about that. It’s about putting more trust into their audience after figuring out that so many of them are struggling young adults. Things are better now. When Dan looked back at the first few Sims videos in preparation for Dilmas, he could not believe how stilted and tense they were on camera compared to the five Sims videos they just filmed. There’s no filter and no editing stuff out like before. It’s for the lack of a better word just nice.

Dan has moved to stare out of the window but he feels the soft touch of a finger on his dimple and moves his head back to look at Phil.

Phil doesn’t say anything as first. He’s just smiling that little barely there smile. It’s not the one with the tongue poking out that Dan adores or the one where Phil reached his hand in front of his mouth while his eyes shine with glee. It’s a whole just subtler. Just the slightest purse of the lips but Dan has seen that smile a lot, across crowded rooms, in uncomfortable interviews or when he’s doing something silly and not realising that Phil was watching him.

It’s a private smile not meant for the world to see. It’s something going on in Phil’s brain that slips to his lips like a natural progression. It’s been so many years that Dan knows what usually brings that smile forth and he feels his whole body become warmer and filled with fondness.

“Existential crisis?” Phil asks in a hushed voice for only them to hear.

Dan shrugs minutely. “Identity crisis more so maybe. We ended pinof. The gaming channel is on a break. I haven’t made a main channel video in months.”

“Your point being?” Phil asks and moved a little closer. It’s not easy. They’re already sitting practically pressed against each other in this miniature plane.

“How do we figure out making those so-called better things? What if they’re not better? What if-”

“They will be,” Phil says with utmost confidence as he cuts off Dan before he spirals too much.

Dan believes him. He doesn’t really have a choice against those determined eyes.

He doesn’t actively choose to believe him. His logical thinking is reminding him that Phil cannot possibly know that and it’s foolish to trust your gut entirely or whatever physic powers Phil might claim to have.

But it’s Phil and Dan’s life has worked out a whole lot better since he was allowed to intertwine his existence so much with Phil’s. He feels stronger knowing he always have a partner and someone in his corner.

“We will be okay, Dan.”

It’s such a simple word but it means a lot to him. We. He says it more and more often these days. It’s rarely just I or me. He is almost always including Phil, because they are almost always together. When he was younger after the initial almost-sitting in each other’s laps constantly phase, he had wanted a little freedom and remind everyone that he was still an individual person, rather than just a half of two.

It worried him so much. It came from a place of insecurity that he would be misunderstood or overlooked. Now he couldn’t give a shit. He doesn’t beg for people to remember it anymore. Instead, he just creates stuff to remind them.

But even so, he knows that Phil is always helping him out. Even when he made such a personal video as _Daniel and Depression_ , he had to include bloopers of Phil at the end or it wouldn’t have felt right. Phil is such a big part of his life and he doesn’t care that showing it will indirectly confirm some stuff to people. Dan wants to make more of that type of videos in the future and he knows that he will want both Phil’s input on the premise and help with filming.

It’s just easier when you’re two. They have so many shared things, including the twelve phone chargers scattered around the flat, which was exposed in the last pinof through Dan’s domestic tweet. It’s a little window into their life together and it felt nice and easy.

“Hey,” Phil says, reaching over to quietly interlink their hands away. Dan blinks a couple of times and tries to focus back to the present instead of getting lost in his head.

When he doesn’t speak fast enough, Phil pokes his free hand into Dan’s side and he barely manages to catch the squeal threatening to escape at the poke on one of his ticklish spots. Phil knows right where to hit him. It should maybe scare him but instead it just comforts him in a way he can’t even describe.

“Are you rethinking the hiatus?” Phil asks, a slight worried frown between his brows. Dan wants to reach out and smooth out the lines but it would be too tender a moment and his left hand is caught in Phil’s already anyway.

“No,” Dan says with determination in his voice and he realises how much he means it. With that one word all his doubt seem to vanish, helped along with how Phil’s eyes are looking at him.

They need this. They need to have a rethink. He might be worried how to make better things but he knows that he will be capable of doing it if he allows himself enough time to think things through. The videos on his channel have steadily been improving in quality, and he has the ideas already so he just need to figure out how to bring them to life. Only time will allow him to figure that out.

Phil gives him a little smile and a light squeeze on his hand before he abruptly pulls it back as someone moves down the aisle. Dan’s heart aches a little. One day maybe they won’t have to worry about it. It feels like they have been moving steadily in that direction for a very long time.

“We need the rest,” Dan adds and shoot Phil a glance that makes Phil duck his head a little.

“You faint one time,” Phil complains as he rolls his eyes playfully, instantly knowing what Dan referred to with just his eyes.

Phil’s tone is light and joking but Dan don’t know how long it will take him to forget hearing Phil’s voice calling for help jolting him awake. He was terrified as he stumbled up to find him in his sleepy state. And then the first thing that the idiot ask for is not for him to ring for an ambulance. He wants bloody toast.

If Dan hadn’t been so scared he would have burst out laughing on the spot.

But Phil’s fainting spell was a wake-up call for both of them. They needed to slow down. They had been burning the candles at both ends for too long. They had strained themselves to give the people what they wanted, both the tour but also jumping right into editing the DVD so that it would be ready by Christmas. It wasn’t anything that they didn’t want to give but now that the tour was well and truly over, they needed to take a moment to breathe and figure out their next move.

It had been both a tough and easy decision not to do gamingmas. They knew how much people wanted it but at the same time, they knew they would be unable to produce 24 videos in such a short time. They were staring to realise that you could gently nudge your boundaries but if you kept pushing for too long, eventually they would break on you and you’d be standing amongst the shattered pieces and be unable to breathe.

The small plane suddenly hits a little bout of turbulence and their shoulders knock together. It’s nearly mimic the comforting gesture that they do when they’re standing close in public and want to carefully reassure the other. Their eyes lock and they’re both smiling.

“I can’t wait for Christmas,” Phil says excitedly. “I’m so glad you’re coming too. I’ll feed you so much of my Mum’s mince pies that you won’t even want to leave.”

Phil says it jokingly but Dan was seriously tempted to stay with Phil’s family for the nine days that Phil would be gone. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He doesn’t give his family a lot of credit and he’s definitely nowhere near as close as Phil is to his but Dan does still love them. This year he has felt more and more comfortable talking about them online without feeling that people were prying too close to his private life.

He also wants to see Colin. That little precious dog gives him a little taste of what it’s like to be a dog-owner, as long as it isn’t feasible or possible for him to be one full-time. Maybe once they find that forever home, they can finally get one. It’s been a long time coming.

He slumps back in his seat and closes his eyes. It’ll be nice to have a break. It will also be slightly terrifying because slowing down means more time for his thoughts to run off with him and they don’t always take him to the most pleasant places.

This little plane ride is just a taster of what his mind can do with the freedom to roam.

But then there’s Phil, pressed into his side and shooting him subtle smiles and Dan feels like everything will be okay. They will indeed be okay and he trusts that they will be able to make some incredible and cool things in the new year. They will get to return with reinvigorated creativity.

These past few years, they have slowly been closing off different chapters. The Amazing Tour Is Not On Fire captured their very beginning and the creation of the world. Phil is not on fire ran for nine whole years. Interactive Introverts showed them how much their audience has grown along with them.

They are only letting go of older things to pave the way for the new.

Dan is fine with that, as long as he get to keep experiencing all the new with the same guy by his side. Nothing new will ever be utterly terrifying when you’re not facing it alone.

When Dan opens his eyes again, Phil is back to playing mindlessly on his phone. He looks soft, sleepy and relaxed. He’s checked in and now he’s giving Dan a little space again. It is always take and give. It’s how two introverted guys like them can stand being around each other for so very long.

Or it might have something to do with the fondness easily winning over any minor annoyance in the long run.

Dan looks out of the little window. It’s a big world out there. They have caved a spot for themselves on the Internet but they’re not done exploring what they can do yet. Excitement makes a smile creep up slowly on Dan’s lips.

When he looks back at Phil again, he finds his partner’s head tilted back and his phone resting in his lap. He’s somehow managed to fall asleep while playing his game. Dan rolls his eyes and contemplates scaring him awake just for the fun of it.

In the end, he just pockets Phil’s phone, so it won’t get lost, and he doesn’t object when Phil shift a little closer to him in his sleep. He deserves the rest. They’ve worked hard all year and they need to recharge their batteries for those better things they’ll be making.

Phil’s determined eyes and unwavering voice of confidence replays in Dan’s mind and he smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](http://secretlywritingstories.tumblr.com/post/181583999455/in-the-service-of-doing-better-things-phan-one) (thank you!)
> 
> Happy New Years! I wanted to write a little something about the announcements that the boys did in the last live show. I hope you enjoyed this. And now I'll trot off to my party with my friends with a softness in my heart for these two tall nerds. 
> 
> Feedback is highly appreciated as always and if you like my writing feel free to check out my profile or find me on tumblr [@secretlywritingstories](http://secretlywritingstories.tumblr.com) or check out [all the phanfics I posted in 2018](http://natigail.tumblr.com/post/181369593057/my-phanfics-of-2018)


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